hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
