When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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