Will you blow on my dice?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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