I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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