He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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