Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
