Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
