I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
