New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
