Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
