no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
