hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
