I queefed so loud it echoed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
