You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
