I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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