what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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