a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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