i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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