dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
