Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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