He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
