I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
