you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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