So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
