all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A bitchslap is in order.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
