Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
