I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
