remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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