Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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