You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
