i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize