I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize