it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
