So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
