drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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