Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
