Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
