I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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