I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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