I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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