fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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