so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
