I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
