Its about making memories worth repressing
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Two words: blizzard sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
