I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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