the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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