I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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