OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
