dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
