You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
