Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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