My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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