u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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