I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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