I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
