He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Terrible idea I love it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
