Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
