Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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