I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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