I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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