I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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